Friday, May 15, 2009

Fear & Abuse

Ever wonder why victims stay with their abusers and DON'T leave? Many are handicapped by the years of fear and control instilled in them by the abuser. Fear of homelessness. Fear of the inability to provide for the children. Fear the abuser will kill the other parent, children, or everyone in a last ditch effort of control. Fear of financial disasters. Fear of losing their children. The list can grow with every threat and action.

Many abusers threaten to use the very system against their victims in order for control and "70% of abusers gain custody of their children is cases of a custody battle" (StopFamilyViolence.Com).

2004 Harvard Study "Massachusetts Family Courts FAIL to Protect Battered Women & Children"

"95% of Probate and Family Courts Judges do NOT know how to recognise domestic violence in the courtrooms" - Judicial commission

I realized what needs to happen in order to fully move on, gain clarity, break the cord that binds you, gain inner strength, and free yourself. Fear is the very foundation not only in the minds of the abuser, but in society as a whole. What do you FEEL when you hear the words "Holocaust, Genocide, Armagedden, Epidemic, Jihad, Holy War, Crusades, I'm Going to Kill You, Your Dead" This is just a sampling to show how fear is bread into society not just with abuse. This is a huge topic and this blog can go on discussing every facet of fear, but I want to post various shorter blogs and give food for thought.

"Fear is worse than the abuser them self as without fear, the abuser has no control"
- L. Bonetzky-Joseph April 2009

F - Free yourself from abuse
E - Enlist your inner core - your inner strength
A - Acknowledge your challenges, abuse, or short comings so you may finally heal & move forward
R - Rise above any and all fear

Please note this is NOT something that can be achieved over night. With many survivors, depending on the extent of the abuse, this recovery process can take years. Make sure every day is better than the previous day. Each day you heal one more aspect of yourself. Love your inner child who desperately needs that unconditional nuture and support. And most of all, have a support system in place - one that you can depend on and trust.

May healing be send to all those who read this from all pains, traumas, and injury as a result of any and all abuse sustained.

Thank you for reading! Your comments are important to me.



Resources:
Stop Family Violence:  Stop Family Violence’s  mission is to organize and amplify our nation’s collective voice against family violence.  We are a catalyst for social change – empowering people to take action at the local, state and national level to ensure safety, justice, accountability and healing for people whose lives are affected by violent relationships.
Stop Family Violence was founded in July 2000 when reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act - crucial federal legislation that would have provided $3.5 billion in funding for domestic violence and sexual assault programs nationwide - had been stalled in Congress for 18 months and was about to expire. 
Using the power of the Internet, in just 3 months, Stop Family Violence organized people from across the nation who sent more than 164,000 messages and made countless phone calls to Congress urging VAWA's reauthorization.

2004 Harvard Study
Researchers Say Massachusetts Family Courts Fail to Protect Battered Women and Their Children; Harvard School of Public Health

Justice For Children: Justice for Children is the voice for abused and neglected children.  When these children get lost or forgotten we provide a safety net through legal support, monitoring of and guidance through the system.  We create awareness by educating families, front-line workers and the community.  In a world where children  have no legal rights, we are often the child's last hope.  

Battered Women’s Justice ProjectThe Battered Women's Justice Project is a nationally-recognized partnership and collaboration between the programs of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (formerly Minnesota Program Development, Inc.) and the National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women.    
 
California Protective Parents Association
The Mission of the California Protective Parents Association is to protect children from incest and family violence through research, education and advocacy.

The Leadership CounselThe Leadership Council is a nonprofit independent scientific organization composed of respected scientists, clinicians, educators, legal scholars, and public policy analysts. We are committed to providing professionals and lay persons with the latest scientific information on issues that may affect the public's health and safety. We also seek to correct the misuse of psychological science to serve vested interests or justify victimizing vulnerable populations -- especially abused and neglected children.

Courageous Kids Network:  We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent. We know how horrible it is to be forced into the arms of an abuser. We have been there. We are now free.

Center for Judicial Excellence:  The Center for Judicial Excellence, or CJE, is a community-based organization established to improve the judiciary's public accountability and strengthen and maintain the integrity of the courts.
Since 2008, the CJE board has made a special commitment to protecting the rights of children and vulnerable populations in the courts.
CJE was founded to promote best practices, with a five-point plan of action - information gathering, education, collaboration, implementation and citizen review. The organization works to gather information and educate the community, the media and policymakers at all levels about the courts, judicial issues and best practices, as well as the dire need for judicial accountability and oversight.

Gender Bias Study of the Court System in Massachusetts, New England Law Review:  The Gender Bias Study of the Court System in Massachusetts (Gender Bias Study) is an official report of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court. New England Law Review has published the Executive Summary, Family Law, and Civil Damage Awards sections of the Gender Bias Study in their original form. The Introduction, Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, and Gender Bias in Courthouse Interactions sections can be found in volume 23 of Suffolk University Law Review.

Wellesley Centers for Women:
  Conduct scholarly research and sound action programs with women's perspecitive's and expereinces at the center.  Ensure that this work reaches a wide audience and thus influences public policies and programs.  


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©2009 Laura Bonetzky-Joseph.  All Rights Reserved.  This information is for general educational uses only. It may not apply to you and your specific medical needs. This information should not be used in place of a visit, call, consultation with or the advice of your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional. Communicate promptly with your advocate, lawyer, physician or other health care professional with any legal or health-related questions or concerns. Be sure to follow specific instructions given to you by your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fear is indeed paralyzing, and life events that have lead us into fearful situations are so painful ... but how do you counter those experiences and the fearful situation(s) except through Christ? I encourage your readers to draw strength from our Creator, the One who truly loves us unconditionally and the one who sent His son to the cross so we could be set free - free from pain, sorrow, sin and so much more.

Scripture says, fear not for I am with you always ... it also says HE is our comforter, counselor and guide. I pray your readers look to the One who can give them life, insight, strength and will to move away from fear and that which causes fear.

God's love and blessings to all!
John 3:16-17

MedSpa New England said...

There could be a debate about that. Not about faith or spirituality and the creator, but in religion.

Religion is man based and many religions instill fear for their own agendas as stated above.

I do believe faith and spirituality and seeking guidance and inner strength from above is indeed helpful.

Lori Bestler said...

As a women who has broken free from the chains of abuse, in religion, in my marriage, in my upbringing, I found and now know that their is a power with in our self to help us rise above the lies in our minds and embrace the amazing potential we possess within.

Knowing that we are born in the image and likeness of our creater reveals we can be so much more than we can imagine. Knowing that Jesus died for the sins of all, setting all free and putting the fear of death to rest, this eternal message of grace gives a person back their worth, realizing that no works can earn Gods love for it is not earned it is given. Freely given freely receive.

Now it is up to us to have the strength and courage to change what we can, "ourself and our situation" moving beyond fear of people, fear of mistakes, fear of death, and seeking to embrace what can be.

Love yourself and be your own best friend, this is one of the greatest victories a person can ever achieve. Then you will choose to surround yourself with other loving people too.

Regardless of what you've done, now envision who you can be, knowing that mistakes are teachers not tormentors. And then you can be so much more! Think it, Believe it, now GO take action and prove it!
Live Well!
Successfully yours-Lori

MedSpa New England said...

Thank you Lori!!!

Most women who need help breaking free from abuse have lost faith.

It is with the help of others, being in the right vibrational alignment and having the courage to ask for help and leave the shame behind.

Everything is taught to just leave, but nothing is taught to help the victim heal and identify their fears so they can re-gain their faith, inner strength, and clarity.

Thank you for posting

MedSpa New England said...

"Forgiveness is man's deepest need & God's highest achievement" - Horace Bushnell

marry said...

Blogs are so informative where we get lots of information on any topic. Nice job keep it up!!
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MedScape said...

Thank you!!!!

Here is more information posted in medical journal MEDSCAPE on Domestic Violence and Primary Care and Reproductive Freedoms

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DV Survivor said...

Thank you all for your feedback and kind words. Please see my other blog which actually contains the latest complilations of medical research and studies on Abuse.

http://domestic-abuse-violence.blogspot.com/

Thank you for your support

stacy said...

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