Questions & Thoughts for the Day

Fear can be the most debilitating thing to keep you from the kind of life the universe has to offer.

Fear= False Emotions that Alter Reality

Is fear keeping you from achieving your true potential? Do you even know if fear is your root cause. Tell us. Maybe we can help.

Check out our sister Blog on Domestic Violence

Thank you all for your feedback and kind words.  Please see my other blog which actually contains the latest compilations of medical research and studies on Abuse.

Domestic Violence
Here you will find medical studies on various subjects surrounding child abuse & domestic violence including the medical community's failure to protect children & their mothers from abuse, health consequences of domestic violence as well as the medical community failure to diagnose. This systemic problem has serious negative affect on court, criminal,& custody proceedings which has had a huge negative affect on our society, future & protection of our children and economics

Thank you for your continued support.  We also added a donation button to our blog page as well.  Your support will allow us to continue our work.

- DV Advocate

Volunteers Wanted For Domestic Abuse Group

We started out as a group of parents who were also victims of abuse who banded together.  We have now come to a cross roads and in need of help of to get what we been working on over the past few years to the next level and make it run more efficient.

So we are in need of volunteers to help us get there and partner with us.  This is grass roots so those wanting leadership opportunities or needing internship requirements could benefit as well as those who have a passion helping victims of abuse.

Goals of group:

• Provide healing services and holistic care for victims such as coaching, reiki, referral sources and meditation
• Advocate for change in current state laws. Use CAPPA as example.
• Build a collaborative of health, wellness and legal professionals w DV experience for referrals and advocacy.

 Ideal skills wanted:

1. Writing skills
2. Administrative
3. Grant writing
4. Fundraising
5. Compassion
6. Organizational
7. Above all - a Positive attitude

If interested, please email us.  We are seeking volunteers and advocates to help us for a project involving domestic violence.  Right now, you must be located in the Boston area and will benefit local survivors of abuse.

Please help us get the word out.

If you are unable to volunteer, but would like to make a donation to support our cause, you may do so safely through paypal by going to the right margin of this blog for the donation link. Donations will be used to help us with the escalating administrative costs, advocacy, and legal consultations.

Fear & Abuse

Ever wonder why victims stay with their abusers and DON'T leave? Many are handicapped by the years of fear and control instilled in them by the abuser. Fear of homelessness. Fear of the inability to provide for the children. Fear the abuser will kill the other parent, children, or everyone in a last ditch effort of control. Fear of financial disasters. Fear of losing their children. The list can grow with every threat and action.

Many abusers threaten to use the very system against their victims in order for control and "70% of abusers gain custody of their children is cases of a custody battle" (StopFamilyViolence.Com).

2004 Harvard Study "Massachusetts Family Courts FAIL to Protect Battered Women & Children"

"95% of Probate and Family Courts Judges do NOT know how to recognise domestic violence in the courtrooms" - Judicial commission

I realized what needs to happen in order to fully move on, gain clarity, break the cord that binds you, gain inner strength, and free yourself. Fear is the very foundation not only in the minds of the abuser, but in society as a whole. What do you FEEL when you hear the words "Holocaust, Genocide, Armagedden, Epidemic, Jihad, Holy War, Crusades, I'm Going to Kill You, Your Dead" This is just a sampling to show how fear is bread into society not just with abuse. This is a huge topic and this blog can go on discussing every facet of fear, but I want to post various shorter blogs and give food for thought.

"Fear is worse than the abuser them self as without fear, the abuser has no control"
- L. Bonetzky-Joseph April 2009

F - Free yourself from abuse
E - Enlist your inner core - your inner strength
A - Acknowledge your challenges, abuse, or short comings so you may finally heal & move forward
R - Rise above any and all fear

Please note this is NOT something that can be achieved over night. With many survivors, depending on the extent of the abuse, this recovery process can take years. Make sure every day is better than the previous day. Each day you heal one more aspect of yourself. Love your inner child who desperately needs that unconditional nuture and support. And most of all, have a support system in place - one that you can depend on and trust.

May healing be send to all those who read this from all pains, traumas, and injury as a result of any and all abuse sustained.

Thank you for reading! Your comments are important to me.

Resources:
Stop Family Violence:  Stop Family Violence’s  mission is to organize and amplify our nation’s collective voice against family violence.  We are a catalyst for social change – empowering people to take action at the local, state and national level to ensure safety, justice, accountability and healing for people whose lives are affected by violent relationships.

Stop Family Violence was founded in July 2000 when reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act - crucial federal legislation that would have provided $3.5 billion in funding for domestic violence and sexual assault programs nationwide - had been stalled in Congress for 18 months and was about to expire. 

Using the power of the Internet, in just 3 months, Stop Family Violence organized people from across the nation who sent more than 164,000 messages and made countless phone calls to Congress urging VAWA's reauthorization.

2004 Harvard Study:  Researchers Say Massachusetts Family Courts Fail to Protect Battered Women and Their Children; Harvard School of Public Health

Justice For Children: Justice for Children is the voice for abused and neglected children.  When these children get lost or forgotten we provide a safety net through legal support, monitoring of and guidance through the system.  We create awareness by educating families, front-line workers and the community.  In a world where children  have no legal rights, we are often the child's last hope.  

Battered Women’s Justice Project:  The Battered Women's Justice Project is a nationally-recognized partnership and collaboration between the programs of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (formerly Minnesota Program Development, Inc.) and the National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women.    

 
California Protective Parents Association:  The Mission of the California Protective Parents Association is to protect children from incest and family violence through research, education and advocacy.

The Leadership Counsel:  The Leadership Council is a nonprofit independent scientific organization composed of respected scientists, clinicians, educators, legal scholars, and public policy analysts. We are committed to providing professionals and lay persons with the latest scientific information on issues that may affect the public's health and safety. We also seek to correct the misuse of psychological science to serve vested interests or justify victimizing vulnerable populations -- especially abused and neglected children.

Courageous Kids Network:  We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent. We know how horrible it is to be forced into the arms of an abuser. We have been there. We are now free.

Center for Judicial Excellence:  The Center for Judicial Excellence, or CJE, is a community-based organization established to improve the judiciary's public accountability and strengthen and maintain the integrity of the courts.

Since 2008, the CJE board has made a special commitment to protecting the rights of children and vulnerable populations in the courts.

CJE was founded to promote best practices, with a five-point plan of action - information gathering, education, collaboration, implementation and citizen review. The organization works to gather information and educate the community, the media and policymakers at all levels about the courts, judicial issues and best practices, as well as the dire need for judicial accountability and oversight.

Gender Bias Study of the Court System in Massachusetts, New England Law Review:  The Gender Bias Study of the Court System in Massachusetts (Gender Bias Study) is an official report of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court. New England Law Review has published the Executive Summary, Family Law, and Civil Damage Awards sections of the Gender Bias Study in their original form. The Introduction, Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, and Gender Bias in Courthouse Interactions sections can be found in volume 23 of Suffolk University Law Review.

Wellesley Centers for Women:  Conduct scholarly research and sound action programs with women's perspecitive's and expereinces at the center.  Ensure that this work reaches a wide audience and thus influences public policies and programs.  


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©2009 Laura Bonetzky-Joseph.  All Rights Reserved.  This information is for general educational uses only. It may not apply to you and your specific medical needs. This information should not be used in place of a visit, call, consultation with or the advice of your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional. Communicate promptly with your advocate, lawyer, physician or other health care professional with any legal or health-related questions or concerns. Be sure to follow specific instructions given to you by your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional.

What About Fear?

By: Laura Bonetzky-Joseph, R.M.T., C.M.A



What do you fear the most? Do you think about it often? How is that working for you so far in your life?

I remember reading the statement “What you fear the most, will manifest the most” (The Secret). I have never realized this to be so true more than ever. Just like everyone else I have had my own life struggles to learn and overcome. The biggest one was my fear.

In today’s economy, people’s fear is strengthening in numbers and the fear is growing. I wonder what the economy would be like if we all confronted our fears head on instead of letting them control our lives.

I remember watching the movie “Batman Returns” and had a light bulb moment while sitting on the sofa on a winter’s evening engrossed in the move. Now I would like to start off by saying that I am not a big Batman movie fan as I find them very dark.

If you have never seen the movie “Batman Returns”, I highly recommend it. What appealed to me the most was how Bruce Wayne had everything, wealth, power, looks, smarts, & a loving family. He recalls a memory he had when he fell deep into a cave. Like any other child, he was cold and scared, but did not realize the cave was full of bats. Upon hearing Bruce’s vibration of his voice, the bats flew in a fury out of the cave as he was being rescued by his father. This became Bruce’s greatest fear. However, at a snap of a finger his whole world changed forever when both of his parents were murdered when he was a young boy. Have you ever experienced a drastic shift in your life similar to Bruce Wayne’s?

You have two roads you can follow when a tragic event such as this happens. You can travel the path most traveled or the road less traveled. As an adult, Bruce ran away from his life. Got into trouble that landed him in a foreign prison.

Where am I going with all this? I am getting there.

Bruce was rescued by this secret group claiming to rid the world of evil. They trained him the martial arts and the art of knowing his surroundings by using his sixth sense. He learned to put his ego aside and be one with the universe. In order to complete this process, he also had to learn to overcome his greatest fear - bats. By doing this, he turned his greatest fear into his greatest strength his life lesson, and ultimately his destiny as Batman.

We have to stop - remove ourselves - and observe what is happening in our lives. Take a look at our health - our finances - our relationships - our work etc. What are you manifesting in your life? If there is a lot of chaos or a soap opera lifestyle, then the chances are you have deep rooted fears preventing and blocking you from achieving all the good in life that the universe has to offer.

Fear can be anything. Fear of losing a loved one. Fear of not having enough money saved. Fear of losing your job. Fear of divorce. Those are just some of the things people can fear. Are trying too hard to control your life? If so, then fear is also present in some form or another or you would not try to control it. You can’t control anything. The universe has a way of giving you what you need or what when deemed appropriate by the standards of the universe - not yours.

The first step is to acknowledge what is not working and identify those fears that are interfering in your life. Then once that is done, the hardest part is completed. You can begin to move forward in your life and begin manifesting all the good the universe has to offer. This takes one day at a time, and lots of practice and work - a lot more than I could begin to write in this article. You may need the help of your doctor, therapist, energy worker, pastor, holistic practitioner, coach or anyone other professional that can work with you in this process depending on how deep rooted the fear is driven.

Once you can learn to release your fears into the universe, you will be amazed at how many good things will flow into your life. The work is going through the process, the journey of it all, and the life lessons learned along the way. To me, figuring out that life lesson and addressing that fear was the most difficult part of this journey. Now, I am stronger, wiser, and lot more grounded and secure with myself. I also learned to trust my instincts. Bruce Wayne did the same in the movie. The weight that is lifted of your shoulders is so remarkable it feels like a dream.

I hope you can find out what is keeping you back from all the abundance the universe has to offer. I sincerely hope this article was able to assist in the beginnings of your journey.

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©2009 Laura Bonetzky-Joseph.  All Rights Reserved.  This information is for general educational uses only. It may not apply to you and your specific medical needs. This information should not be used in place of a visit, call, consultation with or the advice of your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional. Communicate promptly with your advocate, lawyer, physician or other health care professional with any legal or health-related questions or concerns. Be sure to follow specific instructions given to you by your advocate, lawyer, physician or health care professional.